Ways Trauma Shows Up In Your Life

Trauma can show up in your life differently than the typical symptoms known by medical providers, such as flashbacks, anger outbursts, nightmares, and hypervigilance. More and more mental health and medical providers are becoming trauma-informed, but many times trauma is not recognized because it doesn’t fit the diagnostic criteria known for a PTSD diagnosis. Additionally, people may not realize their own trauma response because they aren’t experiencing what is seen in the media. 

Sometimes when we experience trauma, shifts in the beliefs about ourselves, habits, and behavioral patterns are created to cope with our experiences or in an effort to keep ourselves safe from future trauma or hurt. Below I will outline some common, but often overlooked, ways that trauma can show up in day-to-day life as well as possible reasons for the particular trauma response. 

Needing To Plan Everything

When we experience trauma, we experience a loss of control. In response, we cope by trying to control other aspects of our lives in an effort to prevent future trauma or hurt. We learn that a lack of control equates to a lack of safety. This might look like controlling the environment, planning everything, or difficulty with flexibility. 

Self-Sabotaging

This response can be multifaceted. Sometimes this occurs because the person doesn’t feel worthy or capable. Maybe they believe “I am not good enough”, “I am unlovable” or “I don't deserve good things”. Additionally, they could be self-sabotaging to keep things the same. Change can be scary, even if it is a positive change. If they sabotage opportunities to change, they protect themselves from possible failure, vulnerability, or the unknown.  

Relationship Difficulties

Many times, trauma comes back as a reaction versus a memory. This can hurt relationships because others don’t understand or know how to respond to the reaction. They are likely confused by the reaction and it may lead to conflict. Additionally, relationships may not feel safe for someone who has experienced trauma. If this is the case, they may respond by pushing others away in an effort to keep themselves emotionally safe or prevent hurt or abandonment.

Procrastination

Procrastination may be developed in response to negative self-beliefs such as not feeling capable or fear of failure.
It may also feel like being stuck or shut down. When we experience trauma, our autonomic nervous system responds by first trying to resolve the conflict if possible, next with fight or flight, and if those three things don’t work or aren’t accessible, then we freeze/immobilize/collapse. When we have experienced chronic trauma, sometimes our body learns to cope through immobilization which can look like procrastination. This is not a character flaw, but simply the response of our autonomic nervous system trying to help us cope and stay safe.

Not Feeling Good Enough

Traumatic experiences can lead us to develop negative self-beliefs. As a child, our parents/caregivers are supposed to protect us. When we aren’t protected and/or are hurt, our child self wonders “why would they treat me this way”.  We make sense of the adult’s behavior by taking on the responsibility and blaming ourselves. We conclude, "there must be something wrong with me". Or perhaps past experiences define or change the way we see our worth.

Difficulty Asking For Help

Asking for help can feel vulnerable, which may feel unsafe for someone who has experienced trauma. Perhaps asking for help was not a safe thing or it’s a learned response due to historically not being given help when it was needed.